A Legacy of Bitterness

I lost my devotional, the one I received back in September but then tonight when I was attempting to overcome my writer's block I came across it. So I flip through it to some key dates that passed in October. There was October 17^th my sister's birthday and then there's October 31^st, Halloween, the day my sister was called home to glory.

On October 17^th, the study text was Hebrews 12:15 and the devotional topic was A Legacy of Bitterness. Ha! This one made me wanna punch myself in the stomach for losing the devotional in the first place, but I didn't because that would hurt. Since my sister passed 2 years and 5 days ago, there has been a lot bitterness in my family. Her children had been especially bitter and in my opinion they have the right to be. In their eyes and hearts they got cheated out of a lifetime of memories with a great Mom!

The writer in Hebrews writes this in the 12^th chapter and 15^th versus: "See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many."

I don't really know what to do to help the kids through this one because I'm finally ready to admit that I'm still bitter about this too! But what I do know is that my attitude towards this situation causes a heavy weight on my heart and the heart and souls of those I love. We gotta learn to deal with this because there is nothing in this life that will change the outcome of what has already happened.

Anyway, when I turned to October 31^st I found the answer. I know how, I have always known how to deal with the bitterness that festers on the inside of us when we go through grief and sorrowful situations. It's the same way you deal the any other situation in life when you need back-up. The study text for October 31^st was Luke 15:18. I know you know the parable about the Prodigal Son. The entire 15^th chapter of Luke is about lost things… there was the lost sheep, the lost coin, and then there was the lost son… It is written in Luke that although there was a shepherd to search for the sheep and a woman to search for the lost coin, the prodigal son had to find his way all by his self. It was up to him to find his own way back, Jesus tells the story like this around verse 18, when the prodigal son was ready to give up on it all he decided to, in my words, Let Go, Let God! Luke 15:18 reads this way, "I will arise and go to my Father."

That's the answer to how to deal with the bitterness. Take it to God! When the bottom falls out, take it all to God! Some of us are still sitting in the front row of that church listening to the eulogy at her funeral, some of us are still in the day, moment, minute before we all got what can be classified as the worst news I shall ever receive of my life (as of yet!). But it's time to get up and go to God with all that we have and ask for whatever we need.

We "sanged 'em" under the "baynches" today as church and the song that we ministered was nothing that was no new or old to anyone who has been to church before.

"GLORY, GLORY, GLORY, GLORY HALLELUJAH! SINCE I LAID MY BURDENS DOWNS"

Those are the words to the entire song that's really all that needs to be said…

We all need to let these strong painful and bitter feelings go and give God the chance to heal our broken hearts.

This blog is a letter to my babies, Jamal, Jerral, and my ace Princess… I serve a God that never makes mistakes. All he wants you to do is ask him for help to make through. I haven't asked for help because I didn't think I had anything to ask for help with until this year. Without her, it feels like the family equilibrium is off. Like we are off balance, right? Well, I know someone who can help that, we just have to completely trust him to do so, which is not so easy part. This time of year all I ever wanna do is be nearer to her and whenever my heart and soul cries out for this, I can hear Chantelle's voice speak in my heart asking me "Why you crying? I'm okay now."

You know one of the last things she said to me was, "Don't cry for me, I'm going to be fine." This is probably why it was so hard for me to cry at the funeral or at the wake before the funeral or for the last 2 years and 5 days since she's been gone.

Take that with you every time you think about her…

The prodigal son had the bottom to fall out of his life without his father… so he got his butt up and went back to his Father for the help and love that he need to survive… There is only one place for us to go from here and I have already told you where…

Take it to God in prayer.